It’s that time of year again. The time when many of us wake up on January 1st, look in the mirror, and say, “Self… I’m never drinking that much again.” As we stumble through the first day of the year, using every hangover cure our favorite search engine can provide, we often become introspective. We start reflecting on the past year, and phrases like “dumpster fire” or “at least it wasn’t 2020” swim through our minds as we drink another Liquid IV. Luckily, January 2nd rolls around, and with a clearer head and newfound enthusiasm, we begin the process of “de-holiday-ing” our homes, climbing up and down the ladder while we search for the Christmas bins we stashed away for easy access.
During this task, there’s time to think. Reflecting on the previous year often leads to thoughts of new resolutions for the year ahead. (If the scenario above is all too familiar, I’m sure a “drink less” resolution is on that list!) But do you remember what your resolutions were for last year? Did you write them down? Did you track your progress? Probably not. And if you did, well, then you can stop reading now!
Several years ago, I started a family tradition of asking everyone to set a goal for the upcoming year on their birthday. We kept a running list on the refrigerator, adding each person’s goal as their birthday came around. For many years, the kids’ goals were developmental milestones, like learning to ride a bike without training wheels, while the adults focused on work successes or travel plans. Unfortunately, this tradition didn’t survive past 2020—none of us were able to accomplish our goals, and we weren’t doing a great job of tracking them anyway.
By this point, you may be thinking, “Wait, why is she writing about resolutions and goals in the same blog?” I’m glad you asked! One of my resolutions this year is to bring back goal-setting and retire the concept of resolutions entirely. (I’ll pause while you reread that sentence—hopefully, you’re reading this on January 2nd and not January 1st because it will make much more sense if you’re not still recovering from the hangover.)
Here’s my main point: Goals are different from resolutions. Resolutions tend to be vague, grandiose thoughts focused on avoidance-oriented goals (Oscarsson et al., 2020). Even the kids’ “I want to ride a bike without training wheels” is more of a resolution than a goal. The avoidance part of that resolution is the use of training wheels. Often, our resolutions focus on health topics, like losing 10 pounds, which is also avoidance-oriented if you think about it. You’re trying to avoid gaining weight and the lifestyle choices that led to it. What ultimately makes goals a better approach than resolutions is that goals are focused on achievement milestones (Krueger, 2024).
What often impacts the success of our resolutions is motivation (Krueger, 2024). Resolutions are frequently linked to visible outcomes that align with social norms and expectations. We create resolutions to be able to say, “I know I should lose 10 pounds, so that’s my resolution this year” or “I know I should read more, so I’m setting a resolution to read 8 books a month.” Goals, on the other hand, are more likely to be accomplished when they hold personal significance rather than being driven by external expectations (Jimenez, 2024).
Self-efficacy—the internal belief that you can accomplish something—is also a critical factor in motivation (Oscarsson et al., 2020). Since resolutions are often vague, self-efficacy skills don’t provide much support.
Goals are different from resolutions because they are typically approach-oriented rather than avoidance-oriented. Approach-oriented goals have a higher success rate than avoidance-oriented ones (Oscarsson et al., 2020). Rather than a vague hope of accomplishment, goals involve a plan for achievement. Goals also allow for smaller, more achievable milestones, while resolutions often focus on the distant end-game. In January, that end goal is still more than 360 days away, so there’s plenty of time to delay starting (Oscarsson et al., 2020).
By now, you might be wondering how this all connects to parenting—specifically, to raising neurodivergent kids. Before I give you a direct answer, consider these questions:
Why do we, as parents, not adopt a goal-oriented approach for ourselves but expect it for our children at every IEP or EP meeting?
Why do we support our child’s latest PR in cross country and track their times together?
Why do we remind our kids that focusing on the next karate belt is more important than the distant goal of achieving a black belt?
You and I both know that children’s goals in education—and often at home—are data-driven and tracked with a clear system. Their goals are achievable within specific time frames, and there are rewards for reaching milestones. All IEP goals have to include a target date. Now, imagine your case manager suggesting, “We’ll set a resolution that Johnny will read at grade level.” That’s it. Where’s the baseline data? Where’s the milestone tracking? Where’s the action plan?
One of my personal moral standards, both as an educator and a parent, is that I will never ask anyone to do something I wouldn’t do myself—especially someone in the midst of prefrontal cortex development. So why are we, as parents, setting resolutions that may not be achievable, are likely not data-driven, and lack a plan of action?
Let’s “resolve” this year to do better. Instead of setting a resolution like “lose 10 pounds,” let’s create a goal of working out three times a week for the month of January. Maybe the pounds will come off, or maybe you’ll gain muscle, but the task of working out three times a week is something tangible you can track. Let’s also “resolve” not to create goals without a baseline. Instead of saying, “I’ll read 12 books each month this year,” let’s try, “I read four books in December; let’s aim for five in January.” Let’s also “resolve” to model goal-setting, tracking, and rewards. If we start celebrating small achievements for ourselves, maybe our kids will begin to do the same. I'd love to hear what your small achievements are for January in the comments and how you plan to celebrate when you achieve them!
__________________________________________________________________________
ReferencesJimenez, G. (2024, January 22). Slipping on Your New Year’s Resolutions? Science Tips to Get on Track. Scientific America. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/slipping-on-your-new-years-resolutions-science-tips-to-get-on-track/
Krueger, N. (2024, January 12). How goal-setting research can keep your resolutions on track | OregonNews. University of Oregon. Retrieved December 27, 2024, from https://news.uoregon.edu/content/how-goal-setting-research-can-keep-your-resolutions-track
Oscarsson, M., Carlbring, P., Anderson, G., & Rozental, A. (2020, December 9). A large-scale experiment on New Year's resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PLoS ONE, 15(12), e0234097. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0234097
During this task, there’s time to think. Reflecting on the previous year often leads to thoughts of new resolutions for the year ahead. (If the scenario above is all too familiar, I’m sure a “drink less” resolution is on that list!) But do you remember what your resolutions were for last year? Did you write them down? Did you track your progress? Probably not. And if you did, well, then you can stop reading now!
Several years ago, I started a family tradition of asking everyone to set a goal for the upcoming year on their birthday. We kept a running list on the refrigerator, adding each person’s goal as their birthday came around. For many years, the kids’ goals were developmental milestones, like learning to ride a bike without training wheels, while the adults focused on work successes or travel plans. Unfortunately, this tradition didn’t survive past 2020—none of us were able to accomplish our goals, and we weren’t doing a great job of tracking them anyway.
By this point, you may be thinking, “Wait, why is she writing about resolutions and goals in the same blog?” I’m glad you asked! One of my resolutions this year is to bring back goal-setting and retire the concept of resolutions entirely. (I’ll pause while you reread that sentence—hopefully, you’re reading this on January 2nd and not January 1st because it will make much more sense if you’re not still recovering from the hangover.)
Here’s my main point: Goals are different from resolutions. Resolutions tend to be vague, grandiose thoughts focused on avoidance-oriented goals (Oscarsson et al., 2020). Even the kids’ “I want to ride a bike without training wheels” is more of a resolution than a goal. The avoidance part of that resolution is the use of training wheels. Often, our resolutions focus on health topics, like losing 10 pounds, which is also avoidance-oriented if you think about it. You’re trying to avoid gaining weight and the lifestyle choices that led to it. What ultimately makes goals a better approach than resolutions is that goals are focused on achievement milestones (Krueger, 2024).
What often impacts the success of our resolutions is motivation (Krueger, 2024). Resolutions are frequently linked to visible outcomes that align with social norms and expectations. We create resolutions to be able to say, “I know I should lose 10 pounds, so that’s my resolution this year” or “I know I should read more, so I’m setting a resolution to read 8 books a month.” Goals, on the other hand, are more likely to be accomplished when they hold personal significance rather than being driven by external expectations (Jimenez, 2024).
Self-efficacy—the internal belief that you can accomplish something—is also a critical factor in motivation (Oscarsson et al., 2020). Since resolutions are often vague, self-efficacy skills don’t provide much support.
Goals are different from resolutions because they are typically approach-oriented rather than avoidance-oriented. Approach-oriented goals have a higher success rate than avoidance-oriented ones (Oscarsson et al., 2020). Rather than a vague hope of accomplishment, goals involve a plan for achievement. Goals also allow for smaller, more achievable milestones, while resolutions often focus on the distant end-game. In January, that end goal is still more than 360 days away, so there’s plenty of time to delay starting (Oscarsson et al., 2020).
By now, you might be wondering how this all connects to parenting—specifically, to raising neurodivergent kids. Before I give you a direct answer, consider these questions:
Why do we, as parents, not adopt a goal-oriented approach for ourselves but expect it for our children at every IEP or EP meeting?
Why do we support our child’s latest PR in cross country and track their times together?
Why do we remind our kids that focusing on the next karate belt is more important than the distant goal of achieving a black belt?
You and I both know that children’s goals in education—and often at home—are data-driven and tracked with a clear system. Their goals are achievable within specific time frames, and there are rewards for reaching milestones. All IEP goals have to include a target date. Now, imagine your case manager suggesting, “We’ll set a resolution that Johnny will read at grade level.” That’s it. Where’s the baseline data? Where’s the milestone tracking? Where’s the action plan?
One of my personal moral standards, both as an educator and a parent, is that I will never ask anyone to do something I wouldn’t do myself—especially someone in the midst of prefrontal cortex development. So why are we, as parents, setting resolutions that may not be achievable, are likely not data-driven, and lack a plan of action?
Let’s “resolve” this year to do better. Instead of setting a resolution like “lose 10 pounds,” let’s create a goal of working out three times a week for the month of January. Maybe the pounds will come off, or maybe you’ll gain muscle, but the task of working out three times a week is something tangible you can track. Let’s also “resolve” not to create goals without a baseline. Instead of saying, “I’ll read 12 books each month this year,” let’s try, “I read four books in December; let’s aim for five in January.” Let’s also “resolve” to model goal-setting, tracking, and rewards. If we start celebrating small achievements for ourselves, maybe our kids will begin to do the same. I'd love to hear what your small achievements are for January in the comments and how you plan to celebrate when you achieve them!
__________________________________________________________________________
ReferencesJimenez, G. (2024, January 22). Slipping on Your New Year’s Resolutions? Science Tips to Get on Track. Scientific America. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/slipping-on-your-new-years-resolutions-science-tips-to-get-on-track/
Krueger, N. (2024, January 12). How goal-setting research can keep your resolutions on track | OregonNews. University of Oregon. Retrieved December 27, 2024, from https://news.uoregon.edu/content/how-goal-setting-research-can-keep-your-resolutions-track
Oscarsson, M., Carlbring, P., Anderson, G., & Rozental, A. (2020, December 9). A large-scale experiment on New Year's resolutions: Approach-oriented goals are more successful than avoidance-oriented goals. PLoS ONE, 15(12), e0234097. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0234097
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