The world has changed rapidly and dramatically in the past 40 years. Parenting children these days is full of obstacle courses. The push to begin building a college resume by kindergarten is overwhelming. Gone are the days of “come home before it gets dark.” Because of those changes, childhood is dramatically different. It is also extended to include time in a post-secondary program of study.
We measure ourselves by how our child is doing academically. We all try to make sure they aren’t horrible people, but we also are teaching them how to golf when they are 3 because there is a lot of scholarship money out there for gold specifically. I feel like the message we are sending our kids is that childhood is all about preparing to adult. And as parents, we are concerned that they adult well.
I do believe that the parents who are in the thick of it right now experienced a large amount of trauma in our own youth. We were all tuned in watching from our elementary school desk when the Challenger accident happened. We were in school when the first school shooting happened. We watched the Berlin Wall fall, which was quickly followed by televised bombings of Bagdad. It was a Wednesday. I remember because I came home from gymnastics to a tv tuned into the bombing. Oklahoma Bombing, terrorist attacks, mad cow, more terrorist attacks, the Unibomber, televised riots in LA, televised court cases, anthrax in the mail. Even the Olympics were about keep going no matter how much it hurts.
Thank you, Simone Biles. I didn’t even know the lesson I was taught as a kid until you used your own emotional intelligence instead of pushing yourself towards serious injury. I cannot even tell you how many times I ran until I got sick. It was just what was expected.
We grew up thinking life is just difficult, but you have to keep pushing forward. There is no time to be sad, angry, frustrated, or even happy. The world’s events were televised 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Then the internet, home computers, and eventually smartphones made the difficulties clear from our pockets.
I am not discounting the events of Vietnam, the violence of the Civil Rights Movement, or the proxy wars of the Cold War era. But, there is a difference in that the information feed wasn’t constant. There was a little bliss with the ignorance that came with growing up prior to the digital age. I feel like that difference allowed for natural mindfulness as kids born in the 50s and 60s played baseball in the sandlot down the street.
Play is therapy. Play is relaxation. Play is emotional regulations, problem solving, and practice at conflict resolution. Parents today were trained to suck it up and pull one’s self up by your bootstraps. We were taught outward showing of emotions was a negative thing.
We have chosen to parent in the exact opposite way, but we lack the emotional intelligence to guide our kids through the emotions we are encouraging them to have and express.
My husband and I often say “Was that an overreaction? Is kid #2 just being dramatic?” We ask because we don’t know. Our dramas was saved for the first grade Thanksgiving play about the Pilgrims. And everyone eventually gets their own happily ever after. So how do we parent something we don’t understand?
In today’s fast-paced world, teaching children emotional intelligence (EI) is just as important as academic success. Emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—plays a crucial role in a child’s social, academic, and future professional life (Goleman, 1995).
By practicing these skills with our children, we empower them to navigate challenges with resilience AND empathy. While us 80s and 90s babies were only taught to be resilient, which is the main difference in my opinion.
One of the first steps is helping our kids develop an emotional vocabulary. There are deep spectrums of being sad, angry, or happy. When my kiddo throws his controller, is he mad or irate? Research suggests that when children can label their emotions, they are better equipped to manage them (Siegel & Bryson, 2012).
Once children can name their emotions, they need to understand their causes and effects. Emotional awareness allows kids to recognize patterns in their feelings and responses (Brackett, 2019). This step is teaching our children to identify their triggers.
I have two main ones that push me into the irate category: when technology doesn’t work correctly and rush hour traffic. It was less than a month ago my husband watched me get so frustrated and angry about our printer, I had to walk away and do a whole breathing situation. He later asked me about it and I explained I just cannot with printers. He knew about the rush hour traffic. And my children have picked up their most colorful vocabulary words from being on the roads at 5:00 pm. But they also know that because I am aware of it, I am very careful to not be in it if at all possible. And that I know every background in town.
They’ve seen me problem-solve this trigger. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage feelings in healthy ways. Studies show that children who develop self-regulation skills are more likely to succeed academically and socially (Moffitt et al., 2011). They can problem-solve their own triggers.
Parents, educators, and caregivers play a vital role in fostering emotional intelligence. By providing a safe environment for emotional expression and modeling healthy emotional regulation, adults can help children develop strong EI skills (Gottman, 1997).
Teaching emotional intelligence is an ongoing process, but small, intentional efforts can make a lasting impact. By helping children name, understand, and regulate their emotions, we set them up for a lifetime of emotional resilience and positive relationships.
If you are like me and you need some help teaching your kids emotional intelligence, enroll in our free course Supporting Emotional Intelligence at Home which will be dropped in the next week. This course will help you learn practical and accomplishable strategies you can easily integrate into your everyday life.
And if you are wondering, no, I do not have a hard copy of any of my blogs. Someone else is just going to have to do that because I cannot with the printer.
References
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ.
Bantam Books. Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child: The heart of parenting. Simon & Schuster.
Moffitt, T. E., Arseneault, L., Belsky, D., Dickson, N., Hancox, R. J., Harrington, H., ... & Caspi, A. (2011). A gradient of childhood self-control predicts health, wealth, and public safety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 2693-2698.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. Delacorte Press.
We measure ourselves by how our child is doing academically. We all try to make sure they aren’t horrible people, but we also are teaching them how to golf when they are 3 because there is a lot of scholarship money out there for gold specifically. I feel like the message we are sending our kids is that childhood is all about preparing to adult. And as parents, we are concerned that they adult well.
I do believe that the parents who are in the thick of it right now experienced a large amount of trauma in our own youth. We were all tuned in watching from our elementary school desk when the Challenger accident happened. We were in school when the first school shooting happened. We watched the Berlin Wall fall, which was quickly followed by televised bombings of Bagdad. It was a Wednesday. I remember because I came home from gymnastics to a tv tuned into the bombing. Oklahoma Bombing, terrorist attacks, mad cow, more terrorist attacks, the Unibomber, televised riots in LA, televised court cases, anthrax in the mail. Even the Olympics were about keep going no matter how much it hurts.
Thank you, Simone Biles. I didn’t even know the lesson I was taught as a kid until you used your own emotional intelligence instead of pushing yourself towards serious injury. I cannot even tell you how many times I ran until I got sick. It was just what was expected.
We grew up thinking life is just difficult, but you have to keep pushing forward. There is no time to be sad, angry, frustrated, or even happy. The world’s events were televised 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Then the internet, home computers, and eventually smartphones made the difficulties clear from our pockets.
I am not discounting the events of Vietnam, the violence of the Civil Rights Movement, or the proxy wars of the Cold War era. But, there is a difference in that the information feed wasn’t constant. There was a little bliss with the ignorance that came with growing up prior to the digital age. I feel like that difference allowed for natural mindfulness as kids born in the 50s and 60s played baseball in the sandlot down the street.
Play is therapy. Play is relaxation. Play is emotional regulations, problem solving, and practice at conflict resolution. Parents today were trained to suck it up and pull one’s self up by your bootstraps. We were taught outward showing of emotions was a negative thing.
We have chosen to parent in the exact opposite way, but we lack the emotional intelligence to guide our kids through the emotions we are encouraging them to have and express.
My husband and I often say “Was that an overreaction? Is kid #2 just being dramatic?” We ask because we don’t know. Our dramas was saved for the first grade Thanksgiving play about the Pilgrims. And everyone eventually gets their own happily ever after. So how do we parent something we don’t understand?
In today’s fast-paced world, teaching children emotional intelligence (EI) is just as important as academic success. Emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—plays a crucial role in a child’s social, academic, and future professional life (Goleman, 1995).
By practicing these skills with our children, we empower them to navigate challenges with resilience AND empathy. While us 80s and 90s babies were only taught to be resilient, which is the main difference in my opinion.
One of the first steps is helping our kids develop an emotional vocabulary. There are deep spectrums of being sad, angry, or happy. When my kiddo throws his controller, is he mad or irate? Research suggests that when children can label their emotions, they are better equipped to manage them (Siegel & Bryson, 2012).
Once children can name their emotions, they need to understand their causes and effects. Emotional awareness allows kids to recognize patterns in their feelings and responses (Brackett, 2019). This step is teaching our children to identify their triggers.
I have two main ones that push me into the irate category: when technology doesn’t work correctly and rush hour traffic. It was less than a month ago my husband watched me get so frustrated and angry about our printer, I had to walk away and do a whole breathing situation. He later asked me about it and I explained I just cannot with printers. He knew about the rush hour traffic. And my children have picked up their most colorful vocabulary words from being on the roads at 5:00 pm. But they also know that because I am aware of it, I am very careful to not be in it if at all possible. And that I know every background in town.
They’ve seen me problem-solve this trigger. Emotional regulation is the ability to manage feelings in healthy ways. Studies show that children who develop self-regulation skills are more likely to succeed academically and socially (Moffitt et al., 2011). They can problem-solve their own triggers.
Parents, educators, and caregivers play a vital role in fostering emotional intelligence. By providing a safe environment for emotional expression and modeling healthy emotional regulation, adults can help children develop strong EI skills (Gottman, 1997).
Teaching emotional intelligence is an ongoing process, but small, intentional efforts can make a lasting impact. By helping children name, understand, and regulate their emotions, we set them up for a lifetime of emotional resilience and positive relationships.
If you are like me and you need some help teaching your kids emotional intelligence, enroll in our free course Supporting Emotional Intelligence at Home which will be dropped in the next week. This course will help you learn practical and accomplishable strategies you can easily integrate into your everyday life.
And if you are wondering, no, I do not have a hard copy of any of my blogs. Someone else is just going to have to do that because I cannot with the printer.
References
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ.
Bantam Books. Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an emotionally intelligent child: The heart of parenting. Simon & Schuster.
Moffitt, T. E., Arseneault, L., Belsky, D., Dickson, N., Hancox, R. J., Harrington, H., ... & Caspi, A. (2011). A gradient of childhood self-control predicts health, wealth, and public safety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 108(7), 2693-2698.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child's developing mind. Delacorte Press.
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