Children experience a wide range of emotions, but they may not always have the words or skills to express them appropriately. When parents and caregivers engage in conversations about feelings, they create a safe space where children feel heard and supported.
Emotional Intelligence and Giftedness
The most mysterious part of my own parenting journey is related to the topic of emotional intelligence and giftedness. I chose the word mysterious very purposefully. My oldest, although he has no interest in being identified as gifted so he tanked the test purposefully, is a poster child of gifted characteristics. The night he was born, I had that mom's gut feeling that this kid was something special. He proved me right with his developmental milestones, which often led me to think of perhaps an Autism or Sensory Processing situation.
He NEVER slept through the night.
I’m not exaggerating or forgetting due to that fog of the first stages of motherhood. When I was approaching my due date with my second kiddo, I had a long conversation with the pediatrician about it. His little brother is 4 years younger than him so I really mean NEVER SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t. Both my kids struggle with an inherited family trait of insomnia. I may have just sat here for a good 5 minutes thinking about how exhausted I was and trying to decide if this tween phase is more exhausting.
My eldest was rolling over by 6 weeks, crawling by 5 months, and cruising by 9 months. I definitely was not prepared with all the child locks and gates. Because I knew some stuff, I was on the hunt for repetitive behaviors and communication skills development. There were some red flags and some trips to the OT for fine motor skills, but he was simply hitting those milestones earlier than my Wonder Weeks app said he would. (If you don’t have Wonder Weeks, you need it! https://thewonderweeks.com)
When I was working on my educator of gifted students endorsement, I was introduced to Dabroski’s Overecitabilities (Davidson Institute, n.d.) . As I read more I realized that this psychological theory made perfect sense. Dr. Dabroski explained that while gifted children’s ability to understand complex concepts and process those concepts easily with a clear understanding and high levels of critical thinking, the emotional age of that same child is not the same (Davidson Institute, n.d.).
In other words, gifted children literally feel their emotions more deeply.
And it doesn’t stop at the emotions. There are also sensory impacts as well (Davidson Institute, n.d.). I often said that my oldest just didn’t process pain the same way as others, but that’s for another blog at another time. There’s also a very specific connection between giftedness and insomnia, which will very much be a future topic (Harrison & Haneghan, 2011).
The easiest example of this with my son is about environmentalism. (I know it's weird. Stick with me here.) He learned about the impact of trash in school during 4th grade. It was some reading comprehension article about pollution and where trash goes so, of course, he became an environmental activist overnight. I am pretty careful about recycling and minimizing our carbon footprint, but this was on another level.
After a couple of weeks, he asked me if he could get a box of trash bags at the store. I said sure, but why? He’s also very interested in 3D art so those kinds of requests were actually pretty common. We had a cardboard box filled with cardboard so he could do “cardboard things” for about 5 years.
Remember when I said I knew in my mom's gut that this kid was special?
It turns out that he had been asking the school’s head of custodial staff for trash bags everyday so he could pick up trash around the school. There is a city park that is shared with the school, but there is often a lot of litter in the park, especially on Mondays. I’m not going to lie. My first thought was “how is this kid not getting bullied?” I even gently asked him if that was really what he wanted to be doing during recess to see if maybe there was something happening in the area of bullying. Apparently, he wanted more bags because other kids wanted to help, but he didn’t want to bother Mr. Rudy. I went to customer service and asked for some paper bags which the store was very generous to bestow on a very excited 10 year old. He had become intellectually connected with these environmental issues. The fall out of when his peers weren’t as interested anymore and he realized just how large the planet is was tough. The enormity of him being one person amongst a global population was not good times.
We often use the phrase “big emotions” when talking about children and working on developing those coping and self-regulation strategies with them. Gifted children actually have BIGGER emotions, which are EXTREMELY complex. If you really want to look into it, there’s a whole field related to gifted existentialism (Davidson Institute, n.d.). You may want to be ready for it when your kiddo is approaching 11 if you are yourself having an existential crisis while reading this.
So what do we do?
Activities to Help Kids Express Emotions
1. Feelings Charades: Write different emotions on slips of paper (happy, sad, angry, excited, scared, etc.) and have family members take turns acting them out without using words. This activity helps kids recognize and interpret facial expressions and body language.
2. Emotion Wheel: Create a colorful emotion wheel with different sections representing various feelings. When your child is struggling to express how they feel, they can point to the corresponding emotion. This visual aid is especially helpful for younger children.
3. Storytime Discussions: Read books that explore emotions and empathy, then ask open-ended questions such as, “How do you think the character felt?” or “What would you do in their situation?” This encourages children to put themselves in others’ shoes.
4. Journaling Feelings: Encourage older children to keep a journal where they can write or draw about their emotions. Providing prompts like “Today I felt ____ because ____” can guide them in reflecting on their feelings.
5. Role-Playing Scenarios: Create simple scenarios, such as a friend being left out of a game or a sibling feeling sad, and ask your child how they would respond. This practice helps kids develop empathy and problem-solving skills.
Encouraging Open Conversations
Beyond activities, fostering a home environment where emotions are openly discussed is essential. Here are some tips:
1. Model Emotional Expression: Share your own feelings in a healthy way. Saying, “I feel frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath,” teaches kids positive coping strategies.
2. Validate Their Emotions: Let children know that all feelings are okay. Instead of dismissing their emotions, acknowledge them by saying, “I see that you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
3. Ask Thoughtful Questions: Instead of simply asking, “How was your day?” try “What was the best and hardest part of your day?” This invites deeper conversation.
4. Practice Active Listening: Give children your full attention when they talk about their emotions. Show that their feelings matter by making eye contact and responding with empathy.
By intentionally engaging in conversations and activities that nurture emotional awareness, parents can help their children develop crucial social-emotional skills.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s go beyond the candy hearts and celebrate love by fostering open, heart-to-heart discussions about feelings.
My number one tip is to realize your gifted kiddo knows way more than you think they do, but their emotional age is out of sync with their intellectual age. I made it a standard practice to often treat him intellectually like an adult and use logic to put his emotions in more of a scientific, empirical discussion because that is what his brain can do. It helps him to stay grounded and realize that even a big goal, like saving the planet, starts with a small step.
- Discussing emotions also helps children:
- Develop self-awareness
- Improve communication skills
- Build empathy for others
- Strengthen problem-solving abilities
- Foster resilience in handling challenges
Emotional Intelligence and Giftedness
The most mysterious part of my own parenting journey is related to the topic of emotional intelligence and giftedness. I chose the word mysterious very purposefully. My oldest, although he has no interest in being identified as gifted so he tanked the test purposefully, is a poster child of gifted characteristics. The night he was born, I had that mom's gut feeling that this kid was something special. He proved me right with his developmental milestones, which often led me to think of perhaps an Autism or Sensory Processing situation.
He NEVER slept through the night.
I’m not exaggerating or forgetting due to that fog of the first stages of motherhood. When I was approaching my due date with my second kiddo, I had a long conversation with the pediatrician about it. His little brother is 4 years younger than him so I really mean NEVER SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT. I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t. Both my kids struggle with an inherited family trait of insomnia. I may have just sat here for a good 5 minutes thinking about how exhausted I was and trying to decide if this tween phase is more exhausting.
My eldest was rolling over by 6 weeks, crawling by 5 months, and cruising by 9 months. I definitely was not prepared with all the child locks and gates. Because I knew some stuff, I was on the hunt for repetitive behaviors and communication skills development. There were some red flags and some trips to the OT for fine motor skills, but he was simply hitting those milestones earlier than my Wonder Weeks app said he would. (If you don’t have Wonder Weeks, you need it! https://thewonderweeks.com)
When I was working on my educator of gifted students endorsement, I was introduced to Dabroski’s Overecitabilities (Davidson Institute, n.d.) . As I read more I realized that this psychological theory made perfect sense. Dr. Dabroski explained that while gifted children’s ability to understand complex concepts and process those concepts easily with a clear understanding and high levels of critical thinking, the emotional age of that same child is not the same (Davidson Institute, n.d.).
In other words, gifted children literally feel their emotions more deeply.
And it doesn’t stop at the emotions. There are also sensory impacts as well (Davidson Institute, n.d.). I often said that my oldest just didn’t process pain the same way as others, but that’s for another blog at another time. There’s also a very specific connection between giftedness and insomnia, which will very much be a future topic (Harrison & Haneghan, 2011).
The easiest example of this with my son is about environmentalism. (I know it's weird. Stick with me here.) He learned about the impact of trash in school during 4th grade. It was some reading comprehension article about pollution and where trash goes so, of course, he became an environmental activist overnight. I am pretty careful about recycling and minimizing our carbon footprint, but this was on another level.
After a couple of weeks, he asked me if he could get a box of trash bags at the store. I said sure, but why? He’s also very interested in 3D art so those kinds of requests were actually pretty common. We had a cardboard box filled with cardboard so he could do “cardboard things” for about 5 years.
Remember when I said I knew in my mom's gut that this kid was special?
We often use the phrase “big emotions” when talking about children and working on developing those coping and self-regulation strategies with them. Gifted children actually have BIGGER emotions, which are EXTREMELY complex. If you really want to look into it, there’s a whole field related to gifted existentialism (Davidson Institute, n.d.). You may want to be ready for it when your kiddo is approaching 11 if you are yourself having an existential crisis while reading this.
So what do we do?
Activities to Help Kids Express Emotions
1. Feelings Charades: Write different emotions on slips of paper (happy, sad, angry, excited, scared, etc.) and have family members take turns acting them out without using words. This activity helps kids recognize and interpret facial expressions and body language.
2. Emotion Wheel: Create a colorful emotion wheel with different sections representing various feelings. When your child is struggling to express how they feel, they can point to the corresponding emotion. This visual aid is especially helpful for younger children.
3. Storytime Discussions: Read books that explore emotions and empathy, then ask open-ended questions such as, “How do you think the character felt?” or “What would you do in their situation?” This encourages children to put themselves in others’ shoes.
4. Journaling Feelings: Encourage older children to keep a journal where they can write or draw about their emotions. Providing prompts like “Today I felt ____ because ____” can guide them in reflecting on their feelings.
5. Role-Playing Scenarios: Create simple scenarios, such as a friend being left out of a game or a sibling feeling sad, and ask your child how they would respond. This practice helps kids develop empathy and problem-solving skills.
Encouraging Open Conversations
Beyond activities, fostering a home environment where emotions are openly discussed is essential. Here are some tips:
1. Model Emotional Expression: Share your own feelings in a healthy way. Saying, “I feel frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a deep breath,” teaches kids positive coping strategies.
2. Validate Their Emotions: Let children know that all feelings are okay. Instead of dismissing their emotions, acknowledge them by saying, “I see that you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
3. Ask Thoughtful Questions: Instead of simply asking, “How was your day?” try “What was the best and hardest part of your day?” This invites deeper conversation.
4. Practice Active Listening: Give children your full attention when they talk about their emotions. Show that their feelings matter by making eye contact and responding with empathy.
By intentionally engaging in conversations and activities that nurture emotional awareness, parents can help their children develop crucial social-emotional skills.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s go beyond the candy hearts and celebrate love by fostering open, heart-to-heart discussions about feelings.
My number one tip is to realize your gifted kiddo knows way more than you think they do, but their emotional age is out of sync with their intellectual age. I made it a standard practice to often treat him intellectually like an adult and use logic to put his emotions in more of a scientific, empirical discussion because that is what his brain can do. It helps him to stay grounded and realize that even a big goal, like saving the planet, starts with a small step.
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